Pregnancy & infant loss remembrance day

Honoring precious Adom

Written by Jacqueline Lackey Photographed by @stillshotsphotography_nc

On Father’s Day of 2016, we received the delightful news that we were expecting our second child. It was a wonderful occasion to share with our dads and family. During my pregnancy, I made sure to take all the necessary precautions to ensure the health of both the baby and myself. This included giving up coffee, adjusting my workout routine, and taking prenatal vitamins

All my doctor’s appointments went smoothly, with Baby Lackey growing and developing perfectly. At 20 weeks, we discovered that we were having a baby boy, which thrilled everyone except for big Sister Ava, who had been hoping for a baby sister.

At around 34 weeks I was awakened in the middle of the night to find that I was bleeding heavily. I instantly knew something was wrong. Bleeding this much is not normal. I immediately called and spoke to the doctor on call. They asked if the baby was moving.

Adom was moving, just like he always did. They said if he was still moving it was a good sign and it was not unusual for a pregnant woman to bleed. I felt relieved and scheduled an ultrasound for the next morning.

The following morning, I attended my ultrasound appointment. The technician conducted a comprehensive examination and found nothing unusual; everything looked great. Naturally, my husband and I were relieved. They advised me to contact them if I experienced any further bleeding. However, after that day, I felt different. Despite trusting my doctor, my intuition told me that something was wrong.

My due date was at the end of February and Ava’s birthday fell on February 16. My husband and I made the decision to celebrate Ava’s birthday a bit earlier in case Adom arrived sooner than expected.

On the day of the party, I experienced unusual sensations. While preparing for the gathering, I felt different, and my family members were consistently asking if I was alright. Despite their concerns, I disregarded them in order to have a good time at the party.

On a typical Sunday, I woke up and headed to church like we do every week. However, during the service, I began to feel what seemed like contractions. I worried that I would soon go into labor. Meanwhile, my husband was still in the middle of renovating Adom’s room. Concerned about my condition, he left to go to Home Depot to pick up some supplies to finish the room before the baby’s arrival. While he was gone, I decided to take a nap with Ava.

I found it strange that I couldn’t feel Adom moving, despite poking my belly and drinking orange juice. When my husband returned and saw me bleeding again, I knew something was wrong.

I called my parents to come and look after Ava while we rushed to the hospital. I’ll never forget the look on their faces; they were thrilled to finally meet their grandson. Upon our arrival at the hospital, I was immediately taken to a room where the nurses asked me several questions. They asked about the time of my last baby movement and the duration of my bleeding. The nurses then attempted to locate a heartbeat. At one point, three nurses were simultaneously trying to find a heartbeat, which instilled fear in me as I looked at my husband.

One of the nurses suddenly yelled, “I think I found it!” and we felt hopeful, but the hope was short-lived as it was soon discovered that she was mistaken. Following this, the doctors arrived with the ultrasound machine. I can never forget the moment when the doctor looked at us and said,

“I am sorry, but there is no heartbeat”. I had a placenta abruption and Adom passed away in my womb. I was 37 weeks, 5 days.

I immediately felt guilty and started blaming myself. Did I overexert myself? Did I not eat the right foods? What is wrong with my body? One of the most dreaded things that can happen during pregnancy happened to me. I felt like I had failed as a woman, a mother, and a wife.

That night I had a still birth and delivered Adom Rey Lackey on February 6, 2017. The hardest part was breaking the news to Ava, who we had been preparing for her new sibling for months. But now we were returning home without a baby.

As we arrived home, the memories of Adom flooded back. Walking by his room, seeing my baby pooch, my milk coming in but no baby. I was on maternity leave without a baby. This was a challenging period for us. There is no way we could have come out of this on our own. We don’t know why this happened to us and we probably will never know, but we leaned on God. He placed the right people at the right time to be our support system. I got my cycle back in March and got pregnant in April. On December 11, 2017, I delivered a healthy baby girl, Liv Ray Lackey. Our gift from God. As soon as we get a positive on the pregnancy test, we become moms.

Losing your baby at any point in your pregnancy is devastating. Surround yourself with your family and friends. Don’t suffer alone. They also lost a grandson, a nephew, and a best friend.

This is dedicated to our Ava, our family, the Halls, the Willsons and our church family at Evangel Fellowship.